Sunday, August 20, 2006

Game Consoles - The Tool of Satan!

Many people use game consoles. Whether Sony, Microsoft or Nintendo, kids and grown-ups alike spend a lot of time in front of the TV playing their favourite games. However, they are oblivious to the pure evil that these game consoles feed into our very soul. No, I'm not talking about violence, nudity or bad language. I'm not talking about rasist or satanic content. I'm talking about the way these games eat away at your nerves and devour your brain cells!

Thanks to my loving brother, we now own a Playstation 2. My first experience playing it occured two days ago. The game - God of War. I'm not going to detail the content of the game. I must say, it is an awesome game and it is the best action/adventure game I've played till this moment. Though the story seems like it has no link whatsoever with real Greek mythology, the game is really brutal, the atmosphere is tense and dark, and it gives every Crimsonland fan a warm fuzzy feeling inside (despite not having an Ion Cannon or Gauss Shotgun, the Blades of Chaos this guy uses are pretty cool). Enough about the game, let me tell you about my experience. I have to mention that we didn't buy a memory card for our console. This means we couldn't save the game, and had to finish it out of one go (thank you for the many checkpoints; if not for them, I would have gone mad). After playing the game nine hours strait on Friday from about 9:00 pm until 6:00 am the next day and not finishing the game, I had to restart from scratch on Saturday at about 7:00 pm and played it until 3:00 am the next, finally conquering the game. I drew two conclusions after beating the game:

1. The most important accessory for a Playstation is the memory card! This is true. It is more important than the controller. I mean it! not being able to take a break for nine hours is Hell!!!

2. Game consoles are designed to break you! Mentally and physically! After the first session, I woke up the next day with blisters on my thumbs... And game developers aren't satisfied with that. They also give you a playmat for those dancing and jumping games, so you end up with cramps. Not to mention microphones for sing-alongs and karaoke, so you lose your voice. And not only that, but they also have ray gun whatevers, to make sure your fingers aren't working as they should the next day... And when we thought it'd end there, some people come up with this whole new thing they call 'Wii' (Wii? How gay is that?), which is garanteed to make your elbows ache after the first three hours of play.

So, in the end, do you doubt that game consoles and console games are the tools of Satan? I think not!

2 comments:

N. Peter said...

I don't have ANY console or PC for that matter to play with here in Budapest :((

I would love to kill some of my braincells just about now.

BTW. Nice story

Deimios said...

I don't consider consoles evil. I play emulated games all the time. I just recently aquired 900 Gameboy Advanced games and I play them on the PC emulated. Also I have 1000+ snes games (including FF4-6). And a few playstation 1 games(FF8-9,Tekken 3). Oh and dreamcast (Soul Calibur). And the CP systems (x-men vs street fighter, marvel vs. capcom and a ton of other MAME games).

P.S. Pokemon rules! *ducks while eggs, tomatoes, Bath'Leths and other sharp and pointy objects fly over his head*